Thursday, February 2, 2012

Only in My Dreams

He was in my dreams last night.  It's happening more and more frequently as the wait for a court date hits road block after road block.

Last night's dream was particularly real.  Though there were several portions of the dream that were, frankly, ridiculous, {like the wedding dress shopping with all my married friends} the portion of the dream with him in it felt so real that I had to allow myself to grieve that it wasn't reality when I woke up.

He looked just like his most recent pictures, his huge brown eyes were particularly mesmerizing and his lips...oh, those lips.  His amazing, open-mouthed smile resonated in the portion of my brain that conjured up this story and hit me straight in the heart like cupid's arrow.

His beautiful brown hands and chubby arms reached for me...he knew in this dream that I was his mama.  He stood up on the table where I discovered him and he took one step and then two.  Closer and closer towards me.  Reaching, straining, longing for me to hold him.  He was so close, and yet, as I awoke and realized it was only a dream, it became painfully clear that he was still so, so far away.

 {Bek's crib...can't wait til I can show his sweet little face!}


  1. Oh, I hate that you are having to go through this. I had a dream last week that the email came clearing us to travel. It was so real, I think because I've imagined that moment endlessly these past months. In the dream, my husband got out of bed and went to start looking up flights. It was then I rolled over in the bed and my hand brushed his arm and instantly I was brought back to reality. It was just a dream. Praying both our dreams are realized very very soon. xo

  2. Oh, the waiting. We've been to court, but we didn't immediately pass, so now we wait some more. And more. And more. Please know that you're not alone in this waiting game. I will also pray that our dreams become reality sooner rather than later.

  3. Oh.....dear friend. So beautifully spoken and yet, I am not sure I can read this gut wrenching truth. I am praying for you daily. Love you, Trev, Melia, Camden, & Bek!!!!

  4. oh the dreams...they get pretty intense during this part...I had them with all three of my non bio kids, and they were cherished moments God gave me with my babies before I could be with them physically, but the pain of hitting reality was hard when my eyes opened. Some of the dreams were really funny and bizarre...some poignant and intense...some just sweet and simple...I understand where you are today, Jen. God is enough for this pain and frustration.



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