Sunday, April 15, 2012

On Being Home

We have officially been home for a full week.  I wish I could say it's been easy, that we slid right back into our normal schedule, roles, and responsibilities unscathed by what we experienced in Africa.  But, friends, that would be a lie.  This week has been HARD.  Like, really stinkin' hard.  I thought about posting all week, but, I really wasn't sure what to say.  It has been good to sit back and gain some perspective before posting, to really think about what I want you to know.  And here it is:

 What I've Experienced Since Being Home from Africa

  • Grief-All parents know that leaving a child for any period of time is rough.  Especially the first time.  Now, envision that you have met your sweet, precious baby for the first time.  You've spent the first five days learning about and getting acquainted to him; his smells, his preferences, his personality, what kind of an eater he is, what makes him laugh, etc.  And then, you hop on a plane and leave him.  For the first time.  On the opposite side of the planet.  For an indefinite period of time.  It really just stinks.  This is why I haven't been able to speak all week without a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. 
  • Family-Since we came home on Easter, we were quickly surrounded by Easter festivities and our amazing families.  It was so refreshing to be with those who love us so much and who were as eager to hear our stories of little Bek as we were to tell them.  Throughout the week, they have kept us close to ensure that we were doing alright and to see if there was any news regarding our paperwork.
  • Friendship-God has placed some amazing people in our lives that we get to call friends.  We are blessed to have these people who are doing life with us that we can share our hopes and our struggles with.  Our friends have helped to hold us up as an extension of our family and between the two groups, we have survived this excruciating week.
  • Anxiety-Since we did not pass court, we were in constant communication with our agency and with the family who was in Ethiopia meeting their son this week.  Each day brought a new level of anxiety as more and more was revealed regarding the missing paperwork in our case.  On Thursday, we were told that we received our paperwork, but upon further conversation between our agency and the staff in Ethiopia, it was discovered that the judge did, indeed, issue our decree, but she did it without the regional letter or the federal MOWA approval.  We are still waiting on those two pieces of paper, and, since our consultant told us that we are the first family that this has ever happened to, we are anxious to find out what this means for our case {and not the giddy, excited kind of anxious, more like the ugly, red-faced, hyperventilating into a paper bag-type}.  Entering into a new week, we are still feeling this anxiety.
  • Excitement-It was such an exciting thing to get to share with our friends and family and co-workers and, well, anyone who would listen about meeting our sweet boy.  My stomach still does excited flips thinking about telling someone new about him and showing off his pictures and talking about the amazing time of bonding that took place.  I'm also excited when I think about getting to share pictures and video of him with all my blog readers :)...hopefully the paperwork will fall into place this week, Bek will be declared our boy officially, and I can post pictures of our son!
  • Homesickness-This one is strange.  I'm not really sure that homesickness is the right word.  Maybe it's like going to church camp as a teenager.  You get this amazing high from just being there and experiencing the "mountaintop" experience and then you come home.  It's not that home is a bad place and, in fact, home is an amazing place with amazing family and friends that you love and cherish.  It's just that, in fact, you LOVED church camp and you miss it.  It's that feeling...I miss Africa.  I miss the people, the smells, the overcrowdedness, the crazy traffic, our new friends, Hermella, the transition house, the laid-back pace...I could go on and on.  But, you get it, right?  I miss Ethiopia.
  • Grace-If ever I have needed an extra dose of God's grace, it is right now.  And, He has been so so faithful to come beside me and allow me to "approach the throne of grace with confidence" {Hebrews 4:16} in this time where I need Him so much.  I have cried out to him so many times this week and I know many are crying out to Him on our behalf; He has been near.  I know this will continue to be the case through our struggles as we try so hard to wait patiently for His perfect timing.  We are clinging to his truth:
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Thank you, dear friends, for reading my ramblings, for loving us well, for praying for us, and for caring.  It means the world to me.



  1. sending my love Jen, and hoping for the big good news this week
    (geez!! how many times in this process have we been hoping for good news together??!! countless!!)

  2. hard....i just can't imagine.I think i told you before.that i don't think i could go through adopting now. So many new rules,papers,two trips. You are such a.good momma and your feelings so real. Wanting your baby with you. Praying that the Chase Family legally becomes 5 tomorrow!

  3. Our God is So Big! So strong and so mighty--there's nothing our God cannot do for you. (OK--this popped into my head from the suggestion above that I might like that post.) Praying for your entire family of 5!

  4. I completely understand the feelings, Jen. Oddly, I miss there, but somehow I have to live here too. It reminds me of "this world is not my home" and our longing for Heaven. Having a foot in two places can get exhausting.


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