A Note to my Former Self....

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I'm not one of those people who is obsessed with time travel.  Don't get me wrong, I think it's a fascinating notion and I loved the "Back to the Future" series as a kid, but I just don't really think it's a wise idea {you know, if it was possible}.  I think we have to experience what we experience...it just shapes us into the person we are supposed to become.  

With that said, if I could go back in time to, say, one year ago when we placed our application to Children's Hope International in the mail with a prayer that moving forward with this adoption was the right thing to do for our family, I would definitely have a few things to tell myself! {Whew! Sorry about the run-on sentence!} I would probably tell myself the following:

July 31, 2010

Dear Jen:

Congratulations!  You have just taken the first step toward your child in Ethiopia!  Are you alarmed that I said child and not children?!  Funny thing, you think right now that there is a number of young siblings that are in need of a home.  However, in a few months, you are going to realize that the need in Ethiopia {at least according to the referrals coming out of your agency} is more prevalent for a single child.  In fact, you and Trev will open your preference as wide as your agency will allow in March {keeping in mind that your child has to be around one year younger than Camden}.  Surprised?!  I bet!

In regards to your emotions, hold on...you are about to embark on a roller coaster of emotions that you aren't even capable of imagining right now.  No, that's not an insult.  Rather, this journey is going to stretch you well beyond where you've ever been stretched.  Don't be scared...much of what you are about to experience is awesome!  You'll get to be a part of the adoption community and make amazing friends who are going through the same emotions as you.  You'll see pictures and watch video of adopted children being united with their forever families.  Yes, those are available now, but you don't realize quite yet just how important they are going to be for your soul.  In those down times when it feels like you will NEVER get to see the face of that sweet child that you dream about, those little connections will pull you through to a place where you are okay with the wait.

You are about to learn what it means to truly surrender to Christ.  Yes, you believe right now that you have been obedient to his calling in your life, but that will be tested in an amazing way!  You will see what it means to truly surrender to Him!  Please know that you are following Christ's will in an area where you are NOT IN CONTROL.  Aside from patience, this is the biggest lesson that you will learn in the upcoming year.  God's got your child {or children...there still is a teeny chance there will be two} in HIS HANDS and, although it will be hard for you to swallow, there is nothing you can do but rest in His promise that He cares for His own.

Love,
Jen

P.S. Can you believe we STILL haven't gotten our referral?!  Hang on, tight...it's inevitably coming soon!!

Wonder what this letter will say next year!! :)