Back to His Arms

Last week kicked my rear end was crazy hard.  I admit it...I was drowning/sinking/floundering/stumbling/staggering; call it whatever you wish, but, basically, I was wallowing in self-pity.  I wanted our referral and I wanted it NOW {or yesterday or the day before}.

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I wanted to believe all my sadness was justified.  I mean, really?  11 weeks with no referrals?  (Not to mention multiple families in the final stage of bringing their children home reporting delay after delay.)  Think of all those orphans who need homes and here I  am, waiting so patiently for a call that just doesn't seem to ever come! 

So, there I was...whine, cry, frump...when, BAM...I got slapped in the face with the gospel!  OK, maybe that's a bit of an exagerration, but truly, I got me some CON.VIC.TION!

Because, the truth is, my lip service was NOT matching the state of my heart.  Don't get me wrong, I want desperately to believe that this journey is not in vain...that I am enduring this wait because this is exactly where God wants me, and I DO believe that, but my heart was just not feeling it and I was sinking into a dark place.  And, the bottom line is I wasn't as close to my Jesus as I need/want to be.  Instead of drizzling my sorrow in Christ's redemptive love and promise to stay by my side {even when days are dark}, I was relying on myself to get me through.  Not. Pretty.

This seed of longing for more began early in the weekend, so when I went to church on Sunday morning, I just knew I was meeting Christ there and that I was ready to lay it at His feet, to start this wait over {in a sense}, to get back to the arms of My Savior.  And, guess what?!  He did it!  He met me there and He held my hand and he spoke to me through the sermon.  We began a study of Hebrews and dug into verses 1-4 of the first chapter, which our pastor, Randy Gariss, summed up like this:

"It is impossible for you to have too high a view of Jesus."

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So true.  My Jesus will carry me through this difficult wait.  Wasn't he faithful to Noah, Moses, Job, David, Abraham, and countless others?  He shows me over and over again where a child-like faith leads and yet, I somehow lost sight of that.  And so, I am done.  I can't do this wait alone or even based on the strength of my family and friends.  I need HIM and He promises to carry me, hold my hands, and walk beside me.  And so I'm reaching for Him...

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I'm determined to hold tight to the following verse from Hebrews:

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.